tea & rhapsody.

MOVED!

2009-06-15T14:17:00.001+08:00

http://redkolouredpolkapots.blogspot.com

2008-12-03T23:37:00.000+08:00

tell me something; something you shouldn't tell me.

caramel and white chocolate ganache macarons & chocolate souffle!

2008-10-30T18:17:00.005+08:00

made caramel and white chocolate ganache macarons on tuesday! they kinda got a little burnt cause whenever the shells were hard the insides were kinda soggy so i hate to re-bake thus burning the shell. DARN! oh and i made the caramel myself. YAYE! been so afraid to try it cause its so sensitive to temperature. overheating by like a minute could mean hard and sugar like caramel.. but i succeeded the second time! WOOTS!

left to right: caramel macarons, white chocolate ganache macarons

then today i made chocolate souffle! success on first try! firm, cracked tops and nice gooey centres (:

gooey centres!

macarons + nikkormat

2008-10-27T23:35:00.002+08:00

i've had two obsessions recently: macarons and my new toy, nikon nikkormat ft3.

i've been obsessing about macarons recently cause the last three times i made macarons, i failed. i either got soggy macarons or cracked shells. anyhow, i'm blaming it on the weather. HAHA. you see, macarons are very tempremental. if its too humid, the batter gets soggy while you leave it out to air. i've been researching and hopefully i get to try baking it soon.

secondly, my nikon nikkormat ft3. okay, not mine. my dad's. and now, i'm claiming it as mine :P its super antique and pretty rare (i think) apparently, it was only produced from 1977-1979. i took my first roll of film today. it's quite tiring actually. cause its manual and all. i take like 3mins to adjust the shutter speed and the aperture and the focus and blah blah. i'll bring it to get developed tmr and upload the pictures from my first roll of film. (EGGCITING!)

*sorry no pictures. i've taken enough pictures for today.

can i be your memory?

2008-10-16T18:55:00.002+08:00

This post is dedicated to mom.
She would've turned 55 today..
Happy Birthday (:

2008-10-15T21:11:00.003+08:00

today daph and i boarded an empty 151 bus. it was so weird cause it's not that cj is right after the bus terminal or anything. plus, no one boarded! at least until it reached our stop which was about 7stops from school! it was just daph, bus uncle and me. so we ran around taking pictures. HAHAHAHA! and before we alighted, we shouted "BYEEEE UNCLE!!!!" of course we made sure he opened the door first. scarly he dont let us off!!!! i think the bus uncle thinks we're crazy..

DAPHNE!

ME!

US! this was 2 secs before we alighted the bus.. we kan chiong sia

2008-10-13T19:00:00.001+08:00

2008-10-10T03:41:00.003+08:00

my girlfriends are coming over to bake tmr. so i thought i'd make this cute little menu (:

ps. i dunno why the picture is so blur!

2008-10-06T21:17:00.002+08:00

in true rachel style.

PROMOS 2008!
~~29th Sept: GP~~
~~30th Sept: Geog & Chinese~~
~~6th Oct: Econs~~
~~7th Oct: Math~~
~~8th Oct: Chem~~

because i felt like..

2008-10-03T12:04:00.003+08:00

2008-10-02T13:03:00.002+08:00

i am so distracted by everything around me!
i want exams to be over!

i want to:

BAKE!BAKE!BAKE! (biscotti, cupcake pops, macarons, apple pie.......)
exercise (this is more a need than want :P)
go to the beach!
shop with daph, teresa and sandra
watch movies and catch up with shows! (the last movie i watched was death race and not that i havent been watching shows but i wanna watch more!)
clean my room!
hang out with gen and grace when they get home (: (: (:
go cycling! (been wanting to this for forever but i always find/have something else to do when the cycling opportunity comes)
have a pyjamas party with class girlies (:

2008-10-01T20:58:00.004+08:00

got this from bb (:

Go to www.urbandictionary.com
And type in your answer to each question in the search box,
And then select the best definition it gives you.

1) What is your name? Rachel Khoo Peng Pei

Rachel:

The most edible female name

Khoo:

A small being that say's "Mates!" and "F*** you Tom!" a lot. Is indirectly the cause of anything and everything that goes wrong and is usable when you need someone to blame.

Is also at the same time a Deity and must be worshiped and have sacrifices offered to as he holds to power to kill you with his mind.

You run out of milk.
"Damn you Khoo!"

The world ends.
"Damn you Khoo!"

(HAHA!)

Peng:

Sexy girl.
Adjective

'There's some PENG over there'
'Shes proper Peng!'

Pei:

male genetalia (?!?!?!?! omgzxzxzxzx!)

2) How old are you? 17

When you have more responsibility than at 16, but without all the fun of 18.

3) Name one of your friends. Bryant

Another way to say interesting or exactly

"Wow, that's really Bryant"

(HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

4) What should you be doing? STUDYING ):

a term used in reference to doing school work. it also ends in the word dying, and slowly leads to it.

(HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This dictionary is super funny!)

5) Favorite food? Seafood

FOOD from the SEA!

6) Which country were you born in? Singapore.

5 types of climate: hot, very hot, damn its freakin' hot, wow look roast human char siew all over the streets!, otherwise.

4 common interest among all typical Singaporeans: Food, glorious food! Shopping, Welcome to the Great Singapore Sale! Toto/4D, come Saturday Sunday.. will I win? (bai liu li bai hui bu hui kai), Education - "Boy AH! u finish tuition homework liao or not! Later got piano lesson! AIYO! Your spelling learn already anot?!"

3 MRT lines: North South line, East West line, North East line

2 hours(approx): is needed to travel from one end to another end of Singapore.

1 common language: Singlish "See liao lah... What you want?" "SCUSE"

Singapore is rojak.

7) Word to describe yourself? Girly

An adjective to describe a person, usually a girl, who puts on lip gloss at least 200 times a day and owns over half of the Hollister store. (S)he must be able to see the inner beauty in horses and think mohawks are crazy. (S)he will usually go for tall, dark, preppy guys. A girly person will never have a real job, and (s)he will generally avoid Hot Topic and any other stores that express "diversity" (a loose use of the term, considering Hot Topic produces as many clones as Abercrombie). Typically this person will idolize television characters from the OC and/or Laguna Beach using catch phrases like "dunzo" in their everyday vocabulary. Their typical hair product selection consists of "5 billion" different types. All of which will be used by other girls at sleepovers where boys are the only topic of discussion. This person probably also wears Uggs and giant sunglasses and wishes that (s)he had been born an Olsen. Ironically enough, rap music is the selection of choice because (s)he can deeply relate to the ghetto ruffians of Detroit.

Girly Girl 1: OMG look at those beautiful horses! forrreeaaalz.
Girly Girl 2: Yeah, those are like almost as amazing as my Hollister boyfriend!
Me: I hate you and your stupid emo fag boyfriend. And I hope your horse gets sent to the glue/ gelatin factory! What now?
Girly Girl 1 and 2: (go cry in a corner because depression is also girly)

8) Can you drive? Nope

Slang for "no".

HAHAHA! This was very fun to do.
Forgive the foul and obscene language though!

2008-09-24T14:47:00.003+08:00

"The hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it again, every single day..."

Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

Have you tried these??

2008-09-21T20:04:00.008+08:00

Instructions
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment at http://www.verygoodtaste.co.uk/ linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros (mexican breakfast)
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding (sausage made by cooking blood with a filler until it is thick enough to congeal when cooled) - sounds gross ):
7. Cheese fondue
8. ~~Carp~~ - eat koi?!?!?!?!?!? if this were some game show where the participant who manages to down all the disgusting foods wins a million bucks, this is where i'd walk out.

*Buzzer* "Thank You for playing!"

9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari - favourite siolllll. i remember how i'd always order this at marche..
12. Pho(vietnamese rice-noodle soup)
13. PB&J sandwich - eaten it but don't like it..
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle (this is actually not the chocolate truffle that you think! its some fungus!)
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes - i've tried fruit wine gummies...
19. Steamed pork buns - char siew pao!
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries - we dont even have these in Singapore!
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese (its not cheese! its a loaf of meat from the head, feet and/or heart of a calf or a pig :/)
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche - Awesome, awesome!
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas - WAH!! bestttt.
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl - had this for lunch at one of the themeparks in the states (:
33. Salted lassi - lassi yes but salted lassi? it is the same thing?
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float - A&W ftw!!!
36. Cognac with a fat cigar - HAHA! i dunno why but this makes me imagine some really fat old man wearing a chunky gold rolex watch.
37. Clotted cream Tea - its not actually lipton tea kinda tea. its the meal kinda tea (yes, like high tea) its basically just eating scones with raspberry jam and clotted cheese around 3-4pm. HAHA.
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O - Jell-o, yes but not jell-o shots.
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail - from "The Ship" Restaurant
41. Curried goat - isnt this just goat curry? i dunoooo..
42. Whole insects - in cambodia. i remember jong ee's eye becoming swollen after eating the tarantula.
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk - from that famous goat place (farm?) in Singapore. Hay Dairies?? Is that what it's called?
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu (japanese for puffyfish) - you can die from eating this if its not prepared correctly..
47. Chicken tikka masala - i think i might've tried this when we ate at a northern indian restaurant in Chennai
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut - !!!!!!! (:
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear (fruit from a cacti) - i dont think we can get this in singapore
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer (South-Asian Cheese)
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal - hard to believe but i've never eaten a big mac. i always get filet-o-fish or nuggets (:
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine (French fries topped with fresh cheese curds, covered with brown gravy and sometimes additional ingredients) - i wanna try this. it sounds like cheesy fries from KFC
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin - isnt this some form of clay?! its edible?!
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs - they actually taste better than they sound!
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake - had plenty plenty when in the states. its not very popular here in singapore but i think its about an equivalent to our yew char kueh
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette (rectum of a pig) - OMGZXZXZXZXZXZX?!?!?!?! isnt that where all the crap is?!
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini - tried caviar but not blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill - ??????!?!?!
76. Bai jiu (chinese for white wine)
77. Hostess Fruit Pie (brand of prepacked fruitpie from america) - NEVER TRIED (or heard of) IT!!!!
78. Snail - escargot counted?
79. Lapsang souchong (some sorta chinese tea with a really vietnamese sounding name)
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum - have it in school ALL THE TIME
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky - how can you not have eaten pocky?!?!?!
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers - alex and i used to suck the nectar from the ixora flowers from my greatgrandma's garden.
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (canned precooked meat product made by the Hormel Foods Corporation) - i think you'd recognise it if you see the picture.
92. Soft shell crab - i likeeeeee
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano (pronouced like the "mole" in guacamole)
96. Bagel and lox - i've had bagels but not with lox..
97. Lobster Thermidor - want to try!
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake - EEEEEWWWW. sounds disgusting but i'm not striking it off. you never know till you try!

34 outta 100.. still a loooong way to go..
if you do this "quiz", lmk your results!

2008-09-16T00:49:00.002+08:00

I was feeling worried for promos and this is what I read during devotions:

"Know then that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God. He keeps His promises and shows His loving-kindness to those who love Him and keep His laws, even to a thousand family groups in the future."

Deuteronomy 7:9

2008-09-14T19:38:00.004+08:00

I recently heard from a friend that someone thinks I'm bimbotic because of the blog entry on me feeling insecure about my scarred face after facial. The only clue I have about this person is that he reads/read my blog so this is my only means of communication with him. For all the rest of you who read this blog, please bear with me. I don't usually make blog posts like this.

If you're that person and you're reading this, this post is written especially for you:

Firstly, that entry was super real. I really felt very insecure about it. If you must know, I cried about it. And that doesn't make me shallow. It makes me real. It makes me a human being who has insecurities and isn't perfect. Actually, I feel very insecure about alot of things. If you knew me well and didn't just deduce from my blog that I'm bimbotic then you'd know.
Secondly, how much can you know about me from reading my blog?! I choose what I wanna blog about. I don't blog about my whole life. If just from reading my blog you think I'm bimbotic then you must be quite shallow and I've nothing to say about that.

I honestly don't really care cause I know for a fact that I'm not a bimbo. I'm just angry that you deduced that from a post that was very real to me.

2008-09-13T01:24:00.001+08:00

hello! pls lmk if any of you guys wanna go (:
i can only bring in one person though..

loneliness

2008-09-08T20:28:00.004+08:00

In the quest for self-understanding it may be that instead of struggling against the experience of loneliness we might begin to appreciate it. We might be proud of our capacity to be alone: we might redefine what we mean by "lonely" in positive terms. The word "alone" is derived from ALL ONE, which points to the completion to be found just by yourself: one person, all one. It says you are complete if you are prepared to spend time with yourself. It says that in being alone, we discover ourselves: that understanding emerges through silence. It says you are sufficient. It says you can choose to be you and that has a totality that does not require, although it might desire, an other.

- Marrie Murray

HOME

2008-09-08T14:44:00.003+08:00

I went for a facial yesterday and it left me terribly scarred ):
I felt (and still feel) so ugly and pimply.
Last night, I even contemplated skipping school today - I really dint wanna face anybody..
Anyhow, I attended school but remained very conscious about the way I looked. I felt as if EVERYONE, including the teachers, noticed me all of a sudden. Not because I was attractive but because I was unattractive..

When I got home from school today, all those feelings disappeared.
I felt: secure | safe | loved | accepted | relieved | understood.
I felt like I was finally HOME.

2008-09-04T23:14:00.003+08:00

One of the things I really wanna do in this lifetime is to do a remake of my mom's famous apple pie.
If you knew my mom well, you'd know that she was good at making apple pie. And mind you, not the Macdonald's kinda apple pie. The real, traditional, "criss cross top" apple pie. Whenever we were invited to a dinner party, a Christmas lunch or even when we held BBQs at our home, she would make these yummy pies and serve them warm with vanilla ice cream.. *mmmmhmmmmmm*
After mom passed, her secret recipe got lost.
We changed so many domestic helpers. One of them prolly took it with them or something cause last I remember, it was in a single line notebook where mom wrote all her recipes and even that's gone missing too ):
But anyway, point is, I want to be able to carry on that "legacy" of being a great apple pie maker!
I shall start my journey when I'm done with promos!

WATCH OUT FOR APPLE PIE COMING YOUR WAY :P

After I've mastered making apple pie, I'm gonna try making traditional and peranakan food. Popiah, Kueh Pie Tie, Sambal, Asam Prawns, Bakuluat, Curry..........

(: (: (: (: (: (:

Checking out THE competition

2008-09-04T21:05:00.003+08:00

Today, for the very first time, I tried someone else's macarons. Before this, the only macarons I'd ever tasted were the ones I made. I must say mine weren't too far off from these professionally made ones.
These macarons are from Canelé.
Dad was very supportive of me getting them. Its the first time he's actually showed support of my baking "passion".. Plus, he knew that Canelé had high standards.
I paid S$15.50 for 6 macarons (SUPER EX!)
If I do make it big as a dessert shop owner next time, I won't charge these sorta exuberant prices (Especially if the customer is my friend :P I am very bias).. Everyone should be able to enjoy nice tasting desserts at affordable prices!! I say $1.20 per macaron is a good enough price. Still can make SUPERNORMAL profit! (If you study econs, you'd understand supernormal profit)
Anyway, I think the main difference between mine and theirs is that their ganache (aka the filling) is alot thicker. That's a pretty simple problem to fix..

The flavours I bought were:
Bergamote Orange (bergamote macaron filled with orange cream and candied orange)
Hazelnut Praline (hazelnut macaron, praline cream with roasted hazelnut)
Violette
Citron (Lemon)
Rose
Milk Chocolate Feuillitine (milk chocolate ganache with a hazelnut almond praline feuillitine centre)

So far, I've only tried the Bergamote Orange and Milk Chocolate.
I didn't really like the Milk Chocolate but the Bergamote Orange tasted pretty unusual

The macarons I bought.
There're supposed to be 6 but I was too excited to try them..

I must admit that their packaging is very cool..

Interesting but Random Fact

2008-09-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

Did you know that the electrical appliance that probably uses the most electricity is your refrigerator?!
Never thought of it huh! At least I didn't :P
It makes alot of sense, really.
Your refrigerator is the only appliance switched on 24/7 throughout the many many years!
But because its a necessity, no one ever thinks of it as the one which uses the most electricity.
Even electricity saving advertisements don't mention changing your fridge or switching it off as an option.
On top of that, if your fridge is really old and not the energy saving sort (like mine), it could be the cause of your super high electricity bill! Imagine how much more energy it has to use to make sure the low temperatures are kept.

Recently, my dad's been trying to get us to save electricity cause our bill is almost thrice as high as an average household our size! (It would cost us about $500 a month on the average.)
He made sure we switched off the lights and fans whenever they weren't in use. Even the water heater, which was an adjustment for us cause we were very used to leaving it on and not needing to wait for the water to heat up before showering. So anyways, we were at a lunch party and the host mentioned that after changing his fridge to the newer energy saving sort, he saved about $200 on his electricity bill! That's alot of money if accumulated over a long time! So now, my family is fridge hunting. We seriously need to replace this old, wonky fridge of ours..

I Wish..

2008-09-01T23:43:00.005+08:00

I wish I could take nice pictures

I wish I could bake better
I wish I could dress well
I wish I could sing well
I wish I could mingle well
I wish I could photoshop well
I wish I could write well
I wish I could play guitar
I wish I could scrapbook

I wish I could do alot more things but, these are the few I really wish I had the time (and money) to try out..

hooooodie

2008-09-01T00:13:00.004+08:00

familia

2008-08-30T10:58:00.003+08:00

bakeshoppppppp

2008-08-29T22:26:00.003+08:00

teresa says i should start an online bake shop.
i'm very tempted to!
i get to bake without having to eat it all up or find people to eat it up (which usually isnt the case cause its usually gone before i even get my hands on one)..
plus, i get paid!
thing is, with As and all next year, it'll be hard to bake as and when i like.
either i open the shop and go for hiatus for a loooooong while or i open after As which is damn far away luh.. and, what if i go overseas for uni? then what happens to the shop?! and how do i find people to buy? how to advertise?! what if they ask for some super intricate design and i dont know how to do it?! i dunno how to say no ehhhh.. i can already imagine myself fretting over not knowing how to design something. ah wells. we'll seeeeeeee...

Take one step at a time..

2008-08-29T17:04:00.008+08:00

****edit! got pics from teresa's blog!

____________________________________________________________________

Teachers' Day was pretty good.
Classmates liked my cupcakes so that was extremely satisfying for me..
School ended early so Sandra and I went to town to window shop and buy little stuffs.
I got home around 1 so I decided to bake.. AGAIN!
HAHA. I know I should really be studying but I had the urge to bake ehh!
Neh-mind! I'm determined to study till the cows come home from now on. No more baking till after promos. I SUMPAH!

nicole and louann eating cupcakes!

jas and celine sharing the cupcake

me & jas. she's dressed differently cause she performed today.
SHE'S SOOOPERRR CUTE!

me, jas and mongggggg

philip (flip) and me!

triple chocolate cupcakes
(white and milk chocolate chips buried in chocolate cupcakes drizzled with dark chocolate sauce)

muffins!

cupcakes i kept for church peeps and to bring to auntie gen's for lunch tmr..

I can be your BAKE-RELLA ella ella eh eh eh

2008-08-29T00:18:00.005+08:00

Baked for Teachers' Day today.
I decided on mississippi mud cakes and mixed berry teacakes!
I also decided that I wasn't gonna go back to MG to visit cause "gang 4" clique wasn't free.

okay okay, peekturesss!
(some call this food porn but i shall refrain since it sounds obscene.)

1. mississippi mudcakes with cream cheese frosting and colour sugar

2. mixed berry teacakes with white chocolate topping

3. both the cupcakes I baked today

4. packaging for teachers
(not nice cause they dint sell the "for 2 cupcakes" box anymore and the one for 4 cupcakes was ugly and expensive so i resorted to these cheap looking plastic boxes ):)

5. box of cupcakes for my classmates
(teresa and sandra: if yall are reading this, that's how much i love yall k!!!)

6. rows of mississippi mudcakes

Verdict: I tried the mississippi mudcakes. VERY SWEET! and you can trust that when i say sweet, it is realllyyyy soooopeerrrr dooperrrr sweet.
to the special ones who will actually get to try this mudcakes: if you like, you can remove the frosting. it makes the sweetness easier to bear

O+ cupcake girl

2008-08-25T19:47:00.004+08:00

Blood Group
Everyone at home is checking their blood type.
Both dad and nate are A+ whilst I'm a O+ and mom's a B+
Dad's got this book called "Eat Right For Your Blood Type".
Basically, it tells people how their blood group reacts to certain foods and activities and teaches them what to eat so that they maintain a healthy weight and prevent diseases..
Since I'm O+ blood group, I get to eat meat and seafood (cause of my hunter ancestors) and I should avoid wheat products, dairy products (cause hunters don't eat those things and even though times have change, the blood history remains. cool huh!) and caffeinated stuffs. Apparently, if you follow the recommendations strictly, you can lose weight without dieting.
Also, hunters are super active, so people with my blood group tend to lose weight very quickly with vigorous exercise and when under tremendous stress.

Teachers' Day
I've decided to bake for Teachers' Day. Prolly gonna make cupcakes cause they're the easiest to make and transport but I might decide on macarons also.. I dunno what flavour cupcakes to make and how many to give though..

I'm thinking of either 2 or 4 cupcakes in a cute lil cupcake carrier (:
I'll choose two concoctions outta these few:
1. chocolate sour cream cupcakes with white chocolate icing
2. strawberry shortcake cupcakes
3. peanut butter cupcakes with milk chocolate glaze
4. mississippi mud cupcakes
(chocolate chips cupcakes with oreo bottom)
5. banana butterscotch cupcakes

Also, should I go back to mg to visit?

help me decide!

since we're talking about cupcakes, these are the cupcakes I baked for daph's birthday party on sunday.

1. Chocolate cupcakes with meringue icing

2. Raspberry teacakes with white chocolate and berry topping

oh yes, in case you were wondering about the random title of this post. its actually a summary of everything i'm trying to say here (ie: the blood group and the cupcakes).
yup, exhaustion has sucked the creativity outta me.

mugggggggggggggggg

2008-08-21T21:26:00.002+08:00

it feels like i'm preparing for my Os all over again ):
its just been under a year since the last time i had to study this hard
gimme a break ehhh...

taking out the old and bringing in the new

2008-08-19T22:15:00.004+08:00

I sacked my tutor today, F-I-N-A-L-L-Y
I didn't really like him from the first lesson but I dint know how to sack him.
(I'm not good with turning people down)
But then, I figured that I'm not gonna waste dad's money paying for tuition that doesn't help so yes, I sacked him after 3 lessons. HAHA.
So now, I'm looking for a chem and math tutor
Saw many ads online but I dunno how trustworthy and good they are - some even claim to have a masters degree in maths :/
I'm quite desperate though so I might give tutors with online ads another chance.

THE HILLS SEASON 4 is back!

Lauren Conrad FTW!

1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more

2008-08-18T22:19:00.001+08:00

okay, i decided to get this skirt. HAHA. so much for saving money luh. anyways, its a pretty reasonable price so at least if i try it and it doesnt suit me, then i wont be so xin tong and i'll never buy these skirts again.

yes, no, bling?

2008-08-17T23:07:00.002+08:00

Like my new bling shirt?
HAHA. I got it at the zouk flea.

Should I get this skirt? Its US$30. Been looking for something like that for a while.. But then the price is kinda steep for a simply designed skirt made of cotton.. Plus, I don't really like the pockets.. You think?

playing with photoshop when i really should be studying

2008-08-17T00:29:00.002+08:00

Cupcakes&Couture

2008-08-15T18:13:00.010+08:00

A while back, I started a blog called cupcakes&couture.
As the name states, I planned for it to be a food and "fashion" blog. You see, at that point in time, I'd just found a website which allows you to match different types and brands of apparel together and see your outfit "come to live" (Its hard to explain. If you really wanna know, visit the blog) On top of that, these are the two things I'm passionate about, but I doubt I'm good enough at either to go into food or fashion as a career.. I don't really tell people this cause they (or at least majority of those I know) always have a stigma about people who are interested in fashion and hence, I never intended on telling many people about this blog. But then, since its kinda inactive already, I guess there isn't any harm letting yall see it.

bake, bake, bake

2008-08-15T15:43:00.007+08:00

I've been baking alot the past three days.

Macarons on wednesday, blackberry celebration cake yesterday and butterscotch brownies today.

Raspberry Snack

Celebration Cake

1. Bake the Cake 2. Cut in half horizontally and layer with berries

3. Pour melted white chocolate over berries and cover with top half of the cake

4. Ice the cake

5. Decorate.. TADAAAHHH!!the decorations look amateur-ish cause our initial plan for deco failed and hence we ended up with this. but, what matters it that everyone and teresa loved the cake, especially the white chocolate layer!

Today, I baked butterscotch brownies. They dint turn out as I'd wished. I added too much flour! Hahaha. Considering the fact that I like baking and have baked many times, that's a super silly mistake to make. Anyhowww.. It tasted okay with my leftover berry puree..

Butterscotch Brownie with Chilled Berry Puree

I better get back to school work :|

OMGGGGGGGG

2008-08-14T20:18:00.001+08:00

i cannot stand people who are cheapskate and not shy
worst still if they're both.

Take Two.

2008-08-13T21:40:00.006+08:00

I made macarons again! And I'm proud to say that I was more successful this time (:

These are the macarons after they were sandwiched together with ganache.

Putting them in the fridge to set

THREE hours later..... YUMMY MACARONS!!
I make my macarons pose. HAHA.
(I'm not crazy. I'm just happy that I'm finally getting it right)

CHANGE

2008-08-12T21:39:00.003+08:00

like my new blog colours?
i was getting bored of the old colour scheme.
wanted to do something fresh!
initially i thought of doing the same beige background with purple or navy blue fonts but then it dint work out and while playing around with the colours, i found a very nice olive green which suits the background perfectly so i went along with the green theme.. (btw, the nice olive green is now the colour of the borders :P)
when i've more time next time, i'll change the layout. this layout has been around since i started my blog eons ago!

i should really be studying or doing something more productive than this. HAHA.
S-E-V-E-N weeks to promos and counting ...

National Day

2008-08-10T01:13:00.004+08:00

Despite all the drama, this National Day was quite special.
I got to bake macarons! I made basic macarons sandwiched with white chocolate & raspberry ganache.. They dint turn out as perfect as I had intended but I guess "Practise makes Perfect." I am determined to keep trying till I get the perfect macaron (: But I dare (unshy-ly) say that they weren't too bad considering that it's my first time..

These are my macarons!

It was also special as it was the first time I celebrated National Day at church. Church looked like a Community Centre, decorated with all the red and white streamers hanging from everywhere. We also streamed the National Day Parade at church and sang some familiar National Day songs while feasting on free dinner! Most of us were dressed in red and/or white. Quite the unusual sight.

As much as I dislike propaganda, I must say that this country has done alot alot for me.

Happy Birthday, Singapore!

DEATH

2008-08-05T21:12:00.005+08:00

Death seems to be the reoccurring theme for today. First, the morbid dream in which many of my loved ones died and then this episode of Oprah.

The episode of Oprah featured Prof. Randy Pausch, better know for his "Last Lecture"

Prof. Randy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in Sept 2006 and passed away recently on the 25th of July. He leaves behind his three kids, all below the age of 7, and his wife, Jai. What struck me most about this man was his optimism even though faced with such a situation. He really reminded me of mom. Reading his personal blog where he did frequent updates on his health really brought to mind mom's whole cancer saga. Having to visit the hospital frequently for chemo and checkups and always hoping the cancer markers would fall. And in the later stages, having to visit the hospice daily to see mom and look after her. Its been close to 3 years now but it still pains me to talk about it. I wish I had spent more time with her, like how Prof. Randy chose to spend his last days with his family. I wouldn't say I took mom for granted but I wish I had loved her more and actually told her I loved her. I know alot of people say it and its almost become cliche but if only you knew what it felt like to want to turn back time so bad (even if it were just 3hours) just to say three words, "i love you", then you'd understand where I'm coming from. I guess I'll have to wait till we're reunited in heaven before I can tell her that.

I guess what I really learnt from Prof. Randy and mom is to take everyday as your last day and to really treasure your friends and family cause one day, every one's gonna and gotta die and I would think it's gonna suck leaving here with regrets. The simple "Thanks" or "I Love You" (which is so not norm in our Asian culture) could go a long, long way. I'm learning to live this way and hopefully in my journey of trying to live life to the fullest, I emulate how mom lived life..

tell me why.. aint nothing but a heartache.

2008-08-05T17:22:00.005+08:00

TELL ME WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
.....
i cant seem to do well in school ):

not that i'm a slacker/bummer/bimbo/retard.
i study and do my work (maybe not as constant as i should but i make up for it by mugging) but i cant seem to get a miserably C for anything, let alone ace it.

i'm honestly quite scared i get retained.
so, i've thought it through and here's my conclusion-
either:

1. i stress out when it comes to exams and go blank

i'm quite sure i experience/i have experienced this but with all the exams, both major and minor, i've been through, i cant still be experiencing this right? only thing i know that will help is:

i've to practise, practise, practise

2. i've the wrong study method

its pretty late to be figuring this out but i guess i still have time.
today, i told tiff (not tiff goh) i was upset about my chem test results and while talking, she told me something which kinda "woke me up"
she said, "i'm not a mugger. i just pay attention in class and when i have time, i read my notes"

either tiff is damn genius or, i am damn damn damn dumb because...

I ALSO PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS WHAT!!!! PLUS I MUG & DO HOMEWORK AND ASK WHEN NOT SURE!!!!!!
WHY LIDDAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

super sad luh.. )'''''''''''''''''''''''':
(i'm so sad you cant even count my tears.. haha.)

it really (times 100000000000^10000000000) baffles me.

i'm at wits end.

what a feeling in my soul, love burns brighter than sunshine...

2008-08-02T23:27:00.010+08:00

i want to make macarons but i'm having a hard time finding a coupler to fit the gianormous decorating tip.
SiAnZxZXZxzX

hopefully i've time to rush down to b-i-y to get the coupler and maybe the tip..

national day is coming!
HOLIDAY (:

*******EDIT*******

i've soooooooooper alot of accumulated work from the 2days mc i took this week
so here's a list to remind myself what i still have left to complete:

~~1. gp compre~~
~~2. gp "poverty can never be eradicated" essay outline and essay~~
3. math maclaurin's series tutorial
~~4. econs monopoly case study~~
~~5. math small angle approximation tutorial~~
~~6. wr draft 3~~
~~7. study for econs makeup test~~
~~8. study for chinese test~~
~~9. study for chem makeup test~~
~~10. study for chem spa skill c test~~
~~11. study for math test~~
~~12. economic geog tutorial~~

aiyohh. damn stress.

2008-07-27T21:22:00.000+08:00

9 weeks to promos..

GO GO GO!

this will leave me extremely vulnerable...

2008-07-24T17:42:00.003+08:00

since young, i never was the prettiest or the slimmest or the cutest or the hottest.
i was, however, the chubbiest or the ugliest at one point or another.
and, i was mocked at because of this.
i still vividly remember the times when people (surprisingly from my family) would mock me and tell me i'm fat.
and every now and then, little episodes trigger those emotions again.

because of this, i am extremely unhappy about the way i look
i know people have said "wah, you very pretty" and stuff.
it flatters but me honestly, i dont see it.
i really dont.

self-image is something i've been struggling with for a very very very very long time.
i just dont see the pretty or the slim in me.
i know its unhealthy but every time i try and think better of myself, people always come along and tear me down again.
it hurts alot, especially when its said by someone i care about.

today, i was attacked.
(in every sense of the word)
first, throwing the sweet at me,
then commenting about me having to slap myself.
it really hurt especially since i treat these people very nicely and there was no reason, whatsoever, for them to have done that.

i was on the brink of tears, i had to walk out.

i need to get over this hurt but how?

)':

POKEMON FEVER!!!!! ........ like a decade late..

2008-07-19T08:59:00.003+08:00

i cant believe i was in a dilemma as to whether i should bath first or play pokemon first!!!!!
i thought only 6yr old kids chose pokemon over bathing..
WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!
(no wonder my dad used to say its demonic. HAHA.)

dont play play eh. my level 28 pikachu will beat you!
pika pika!

i learn from mervin:

2008-06-25T23:24:00.002+08:00

geddit, geddit, geddit?

HAHA :D

MID YEAR EXAMS

2008-06-24T19:25:00.002+08:00

~~22nd May: GP~~
~~23rd May: Geog~~

~~-June Hols-~~

~~23rd June: Econs~~
~~24th June: Chem~~
~~25th June: Math & Chinese Listening~~
~~26th June: Chinese~~
27th June: Chem Practical

2008-06-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

tomorrow, it all begins..

SIAO LIAO LUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2008-06-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

i'm not sure if you know what i am going to explain feels like but just read on anyways..

erasers, rulers, nail clippers, bobby pins, rubber bands, plasters, panadol, tweezers, safety pins, packet chilli sauce, paper clips, post its, buttons etc..

what i've listed are just the few of the many so essential but yet seemingly unimportant things which mysteriously disappear when you need them.. some of which, reappear when not needed while others never reappear again..

the strange is, you almost always see it a few days before its mysterious disappearance and when you need it, you think to yourself "i know its lying around somewhere, but WHERE?!?!?!"

and then you task yourself with finding it. you think its not impossible cause you're pretty sure you saw it the other day but then, 15 minutes later, you start questioning whether you really saw it or you mixed up some really old memory with the present..

days or months down the road, if you find it again, you make sure you keep it in a safe place where you know (for sure this time) it will be when you need it.

however, strangely enough, there are those things which you'll never find again..

right now, i can't find my nail clipper. i think its been missing for almost a month!

Andrew Johnston

2008-05-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

this boy has such a sad story to his life
but his voice is AMAZING
watch.

MAI TU LIAO

2008-05-15T00:05:00.001+08:00

EXAMS ARE 1 WEEK AWAY!!!!
NOT PREPARED AT ALL!

so, if you ask me about how much ground i've covered for exams and i get moody, you know why.
i am a major procrastinator.
why cant i stop!?

help me god.

stop & stare

2008-05-12T18:57:00.002+08:00

its been about 4 months in CJ and i think i'm starting to see my purpose for being here.

today, a friend's grandma passed away. she had regrets and was pretty distraught.
having been through the loss of a loved one, i was able to be there for her.
also, my class is having some problems with our gp teacher.
not that i wanna be biased but she is kinda mean.
alot of people are criticizing and disrespecting her and here's where i come in.
i am coincidentally gp rep.
i have the choice to choose to influence them to be nice even though treated unfairly or to be like the rest of the class and hold something against her.

i doubt its pure coincidence that i have these "strategic" roles

Please help me shine Your light through these situations..

come back to texas, its just not the same since you went away..

2008-05-11T23:25:00.004+08:00

my phone is spoilt!
GRRRRRRR!
the navigation buttons are dead so whenever i navigate through my phone menu, its super retarded.
i have to make it go a round cause the down and right button isnt working so i keep pressing up up up.
when i make an errata while typing an sms, its even more frustrating!

the "put down" button is spoilt too!
so when and if you call me, make sure you put down cause i cant!!!!

I AM PISSED & FRUSTRATED!!!!

mother's day

2008-05-09T19:42:00.002+08:00

i just got asked to sing for the mother's day service this weekend
am a little half hearted
one on hand, i don't see why i should be singing on MOTHER'S day when my mom's not around.
on the other hand, her absence gives me even more reason to sing cause then it's like remembering my mom.
either way, i'm not going to pretend that it's not going to be emotional cause i'm sure it will be..

guess i'm just going to get out there and do it: FOR MY MOM.

okay, i think he's not coming back..

2008-05-08T16:41:00.002+08:00

Tests haven't been good to me; I've barely passed anything ):
I wouldn't say I've fully adjusted to the JC curriculum..
Quite worrying considering that MYE are 2 weeks away..

But, it's been fun making new friends and hanging out after school
(You know, I never used to go out or chill with friends after school when I was in MG)

No regrets coming to CJ!

On another note, my Mid Year Exams timetable :/

22nd May: GP
23rd May: Geog

-June Hols-

23rd June: Econs
24th June: Chem
25th June: Math & Chinese Listening
26th June: Chinese
27th June: Chem Practical

after hiatus...

2008-05-04T21:12:00.005+08:00

The Rules.
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
4. With the answers down, or even comment on it.
5. Tag 5 people.

1) How are you feeling today?
A.O.K - Motion City Soundtrack

2) Will you get far in life?
Constant Motion - Dream Theatre
(YES! That means I'll go far!)

3) What's your best friend's theme song?
Holy Spirit -Planet Shakers
(HAHAHA)

4) What is the story of your life?
This Is Why I'm Hot - MIMS
(YEAHHHHHH!!!!! HAHA. This "game" is starting to get amusing :P)

5) What was high school like?
The Freedom We Know - Hillsong
(MG was kinda strict on everything though)

6) How can you get ahead with life?
Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
(???)

7) Whats the best thing about your friends?
Stronger - Britney Spears
(That's prolly why they're my friends. I'm quite needy at times..)

8) Describe your grandparents.
Superstitions - Stevie Wonder
(WAH! This is damn zun for my grandmom. HAHA.)

9) How's your life going?
Draw Me Closer - Hillsong United

10) What will be played at my funeral?
Meant To Live - Switchfoot
(NO SHIT!!!!)

11) Will you have a happy life?
Can't Tell Me Nothing - Kanye West
(WAH.. I really wanted to know eh..)

12) What do your friends really think of you?
With or Without You - U2
(TOUCHED :P)

13) Do people secretly lust after you?
Look Yourself - Apologetix
(HUH...)

14) How can you make yourself happy?
Bop Bop Baby - Westlife
(HAHA, kinky luh!)

15) Will you ever have children?
Aint No Sunshine - Will Young
(HUH?!!!! That means no chance? BUT I WANT KIDS!)

16) What song would you strip to?
Sovereign Hands - Hillsong United
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!)

17) What does your mom think of you?
Two Steps Behind - Def Leppard

18) What is your deep, dark secret?
Say My Name - Destiny's Child
(HO SHIT!)

19) What is your enemy's theme song?
Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

20) Whats your personality like?
Storm - Lifehouse
(Really Meh? Sianzzz)

21) What will be played at your wedding?
All For One - High School Musical 2
(YESSSSS! BRYANT!)

PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO DO THIS:
Yeronn
Sim
Cola
Jiawei
Josh

my love language.

2008-03-05T22:34:00.000+08:00

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Physical Touch
with a secondary love language being
Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		10
Quality Time:		8
Words of Affirmation:		6
Acts of Service:		5
Receiving Gifts:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

truth.

2008-03-03T17:28:00.001+08:00

the truth about the truth is that it hurts
so, we lie.

- dr. meredith grey

2008-03-02T21:13:00.002+08:00

God has not promised skies always blue,
flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God has not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God has promised strength for the day,
rest for the labour, light for the way,
grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing sympathy, undying love.

-Kristone

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-16T00:27:00.001+08:00

FEARS.

2008-01-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

run towards your fears & embrace them
on the other side of your greatest fears lives your greatest life

Lions For Lambs

2007-12-20T00:02:00.000+08:00

Conversation between student and professor

S: You think its better to have tried and failed than failing to try right?
P: Yea?
S: But what is the difference if you end up in the same place?
P: At least you did something

2007-12-19T15:43:00.000+08:00

its been 2 years now.
what if your happiest day is my neediest day?

Less is More

2007-12-16T21:38:00.000+08:00

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy

Jesus, I pray
I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days
I swear I will seek you

To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before

Cause less is more.

When moisturizer isn't always good..

2007-12-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

I accidentally rubbed moisturizer into my left eye last night.
I felt a stinging pain and started to tear,
But lazy me decided to leave it be.

Morning comes
I wake to realise that the stinging pain has now become a very (and I mean VERY) swollen & puffy eye.
I hold a debate with myself on whether to call in sick and save my face
Or, lock up my ego and head to work.
I, thankfully, choose the latter;
My eye eventually gets better.

Still red and slightly swollen but much better from the puffer fish look it had this morning.

This is when moisturizer isn't always good..

2007-12-05T08:13:00.001+08:00

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"

Why

2007-12-02T19:28:00.000+08:00

Why's there all this hurt & suffering?
Why can't we be free?

Why's there all the hate & fighting?
Why can't we live in peace?

Why God, why?

First Job

2007-11-22T09:40:00.000+08:00

I'm working at The West Clinic @ Camden Medical Centre for 2 weeks
My very first job!
Doing admin/reception/sai kang

Its quite fun & tiring but it pays pretty well
So, I'm not complaining.

Anyway, it is near Tanglin Mall
Sms me if you wanna meet for lunch (:

My O Levels Schedule.

2007-11-13T07:32:00.000+08:00

{22nd Oct}
~~A. Math Paper 1~~

{23rd Oct}
~~A. Math Paper 2~~

{24th Oct}
~~Chem Paper 2~~

{25th Oct}
~~Geog Paper 2~~

{29th Oct}
~~English Paper 1~~
~~English Paper 2~~
~~Math Paper 1~~

{30th Oct}
~~Math Paper 2~~

{5th Nov}
~~SS Paper~~
~~Bio Paper 2~~

{6th Nov}
~~Lit Paper~~

{7th Nov}
~~Geog Paper 1~~

{12th Nov}
~~Chem Paper 1~~

{13th Nov}
~~Bio Paper 1~~

OVERRRR!

2007-11-03T15:14:00.001+08:00

For those doing exams

2007-11-03T00:40:00.000+08:00

How to memorise

2007-11-02T03:36:00.001+08:00

I got really stressed out over not being able to get anything into my head.
So, being the person that I am, I turned to wikiHow for help
:P

STEPS
1. Sit in a quiet room with good lighting.
2. Look for patterns, familiar elements, and other ways to break the material into groups of three to four familiar elements (if possible) and annotate these observations as you go. Do not force any patterns and stop looking before substantial effort is required for this step. Forced familiarity is compulsory learning; see the tips section below.
3. Investigate and note intuitive relationships between the elements and your own experience. The relationships need not be rational, only memorable (interesting, funny, enjoyable) and inspirational.
4. Read the first object.
5. Say it without the paper.
6. Read the first and second object.
7. Repeat them out loud until you are able to say them without the paper.
8. Read the first, second, and third objects.
9. Say them out loud until you are able to say them without the paper.
10. Repeat this process until you can say all the objects without the paper.
11. Once you are at end of the list, repeat the list without reading it. Say it aloud three times.
12. If you cannot do it all three times, start all over.
13. After you think you have memorized it all take a 10-20 minute break and do something that you will not get addicted to, like having a drink or taking a walk.
14. Come back and test yourself again through the whole thing if you get it all right you probably have it. If not work on the sections you are having trouble with. Take another 10-20 minute break and come back again.

TIPS
* First of all don't get stressed, getting stressed just makes it harder
* Work in sections, create goals for yourself. Memorize one section then reward yourself and keep going
* Say stuff out loud, it sounds ridiculous but saying stuff outloud helps your brain process it so it is easier to memorize
* This is best done BEFORE sleeping. It will most probably be fresher when you wake up.
* Patience, patience, patience.
* If you're trying to memorize something short, write it out on a notecard and put the notecard in a place you see often. Whenever you see it, try to say it, or at least read it.
* If you have a lot of things you need to memorize, write them out on flash cards, and go through them often. If you get one wrong, review it, and once you get it right, put it back in the middle of the pile. If you get one right the first time, put it in the back of the pile.
* You may want someone to help you memorize. They can participate by quizzing you, asking you questions, or having you recite the information for them.
* Work in a quiet place where you can concentrate easily with no distractions.

WARNINGS
* Use the bathroom before studying.
* Don't eat while you work. It will distract you and it isn't healthy, no matter how much protein the apple has. Most people will only pay attention to one thing: either the studying, or the food. If you pay attention to the food, you will get sick and won't get your work done. If you pay attention to the studying, you will get your work done, but won't pay attention to how much you're eating, and will wind up eating too much.
* Take short, frequent breaks. It is best to exercise during these breaks, not watch 10 minutes of TV. Exercising will stimulate your brain, and you will work better when you return, just be careful not to overdo it.

the _tion.

2007-11-02T03:27:00.000+08:00

rachel needs to kill distraction & procrastination
and bring on the motivation
but how?

Dream

2007-10-26T15:46:00.000+08:00

i had a dream.

i saw a face i hadn't seen in ages.

i saw her face.
i even spoke to her & touched her.

it was emotional.

Breakfast Club, 2006-2007

2007-10-25T22:54:00.000+08:00

I miss the breakfast club.
Chee ko pek hock seng, 50 cents coffee, peng kueh, korean drama & tv series debates, "who's hot & who's not" and most of all, you guys.
We should all get up early and do breakfast club again..

*Note to self:
10 papers & 18 days from today,
YOU WILL BE FREE.
For now, press on.

2007-10-25T00:59:00.000+08:00

The rivers & volcanoes are killing me.
Not literally, of course.

2007-10-24T03:26:00.001+08:00

Exams have been getting to me.
Late nights, dry coughs, gained weight,
midnight snacking etc.
But,
I know He's in control.

"...the Lord Jesus Christ give you all of his blessings, and great peace of heart and mind"
1 Corinthians 1:3

Bittersweet, I must say..

2007-10-17T00:08:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I played the game & dealt with love.

But, on a more important note,
Happy Birthday, Mom.
Sorry I couldn't post a nicer picture.
They got deleted when my computer was reformatted by some very unprofessional people.

"To our (my) dear MGS!"

2007-10-14T01:56:00.000+08:00

My O Level Countdown.

2007-09-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

33 more days...

their sacrifice.

2007-09-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

have you wondered
what it must be like
being a foreign domestic helper?

the tremendous temptations and emotions
you feel from being away from family & friends..

the feeling you get
when your employers eat nice food (eg. doughnuts)
and you can't have any unless offered..

it must suck to feel that way.
at least i think so..

i got a new domestic helper aka maid.
her name's Asri and she's 29.
since she's worked for us,
there's been a box of Krispy Kremes in the fridge
and it suddenly dawned on me that
though she's been heating them up for us,
she's never had one.
so, i offered her one
and the look on her face was indescribable:
it melted me heart.
she probably felt
thankful,
happy,
loved &
relieved (that she could FINALLY try one)
at the same time.

and to think that one doughnut,
just one doughnut,
could let her feel that way.

i am changed.
i have a new perspective on their struggles
and a new respect for their bravery.

but, please please don't let me down, Asri.

2007-09-11T20:49:00.000+08:00

kudos to dawn & perr for some of the pictures.
and btw, i brought cupcakes just that my picture was too ugly to include..

2007-08-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

I once heard a quote which goes like this:

"Live your life the best way you know how,
And let God do the rest"

Right now God, I need you to do a lot.
Is that okay?

"Oh the irony!"

2007-08-28T19:08:00.000+08:00

While watching for the "Blood Moon" eclipse,
I was listening to When The Stars Go Blue...

2007-08-27T20:07:00.000+08:00

i've got a question.

2007-08-27T10:58:00.000+08:00

Do spirits of dead people make "visits"?

I know it sounds silly but I really want to know..

I don't believe that ghosts exist but I believe that spirits do.
Are they the same?

I'm not asking cause its 7th month or cause I've had an encounter.
I'm asking cause a friend told me her maid had a "ghostly" encounter with a good ghost.
As in her dead grandfather (hence good ghost) came back to "visit" her maid who was very close to him before he passed away.
Good ghost?
Is there even such a thing?

Anyways, I know that hell isn't opened yet so the evil spirits roam the earth right?
Is heaven opened yet?
Is there even a need to open heaven?

Well, since I thought hell wasn't opened yet but heaven was,
my assumption was that only evil spirits roam the earth.
Hence, no such thing as a good ghost.
Right?

Does anyone know?!
OH WELLS.
I'll ask Rusty Russell.
He's staying at my house now and he should know..

Your hand, it comforts me.

2007-08-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

Your eye is on a sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the earth
To the depths of my heart
Let Your mercy & grace be seen

You called me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory
May you draw all men
As Your love and grace demands

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the Spirit of God
Yes, I will run the race
Till I seek your face
Oh, let me live in the glory of Your grace

btw, visit this website :
http://www.1-click.jp/

got it from mervin.
it perked me up quite a bit.

GO SEE!

this is for my mom.

2007-08-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

A good friend wrote this about 2 years ago when my mom passed.

THANK YOU MOM

Like when Mom prayed for you by night, at her bedside she knelt
Like when you thanked Mom for the small things with all your heartfelt
Like when Mom told you not to, you know it's not unfair
Like when Mom gave you courage when the world didn't care
Like when Mom felt most down, but still listened to your hurts
Like when Mom saw and knew what you thought without needing words
Like when Mom told you what was best but you disagreed
Like when Mom bought you EVERYTHING to satisfy your greed
Like when Mom gave you the very thing she wanted for so long
Like when Mom was there for you to tell you to be strong
Like when Mom did your bidding - JUST 'cause you asked
Like when only in front of Mom could your heart be unmasked
Like when only Mom saw deep inside and what was going on
Like when Mom cried and told you not everything's gone
Like when Mom didn't want you to go out but didn't say a thing
Like when Mom felt you're her utmost joy that God would bring
Like when Mom didn't say but knew everything you hoped to hide
Like when you failed but Mom congratulated you that you even tried
Like when Mom answered every single time you called out her name
Like when Mom felt that without you around her, it wasn't the same
Like when Mom was looking out for you and thought of you all day
Like when Mom was walking beside you every step of the way
Like when Mom forced herself to try and punish you less
Like when Mom was your listening ear to admit and confess
Like when you thought Mom didn't but she always understood
Like when Mom's love was never subject to anyone's mood
Like when Mom never broke a promise or let your secrets out
Like when Mom was there to hear you when you needed just to shout
Like when Mom always cleaned up the messes that you used to make
Like when Mom gave in kindness you were always ready to take
Like when Mom was really tired but still put you to bed
Like when after Mom scolded you she regretted what she said
Like when Mom gives up her needs to satisfy your wants
Like when Mom looks at you she believes you're not by chance
Like when Mom spent hours with you just 'cause it's you
Like when Mom never lied when she answered, "I love you too."
Like when Mom didn't tell you so you wouldn't worry at all
Like how Mom was never absent to pick you from your fall
Like when Mom cried when you cried 'cause only she knew
Like when Mom spent her days with you though her hours were few

Like how for all the things you never did you feel sorry and sad
But all Mom ever wanted was for you to be glad
Like how you think you never enough got the chance to say
Those three words you wish again you could today
Like how the last times you spent with her felt like they wouldn't end
Mom would want you to know there's nothing you needed to amend
Like how you think you couldn't repay everything Mom gave
Mom would want you to know she departed sound and safe

All the foundations that she laid
All the words she ever said
All the days she was with you
All the promises that did come true
All the times you were down and low
All the love that took time to grow
All the hours she ever spent
All was given; not lent

For all these things and just being the person Mom was
You know she wouldn't want you to cry anymore because
She knows you loved her to the end from the start
She knows you will one day safely let her depart
She had enough time with you while she had
You can let her leave without a trace of regret
And she sees in her heart and knows in yours too
That you two will always be together, saying "I love you".

thanks friend.

***********************************************************************

I know only those who care read this blog so I'm disclosing here:
I miss my mom.
Not that it's a well kept secret or anything.

You know how they say "time will heal the wounds"?
I personally don't believe in that
I don't think I'll ever get over her leaving and I know it won't get easier.
It's probably the biggest hurt in my life.

It's not that I don't have the support I need..
It's just that there a certain things which only mom has a say on and only mom can honestly comment on.

And now that she's gone... I don't know.
If mom were still around, I probably wouldn't have had to post on whether I should get the bag or whether I should retake my chinese Os and things like that.

It's been hard.
I feel like I'm beginning to forget her voice and her smile and her laugh and her food and her touch and her short yet profound talks on Christian values I should always uphold and the many many other things that were oh-so-fine about my mother.

And I don't want to.

But,
It all keeps slipping away . . . . .

**********************************************************************

so, here's what I wanna say to my mom
and, this is the hardest part:
both for me to type and for me to disclose.

dear mom,
its been really tough without you.
and sometimes i feel quite alone;
the kind of emptiness that only you can fill.
i miss you mom.

things have changed around here..
dad's trying to be nicer but there are still times when he makes me upset and I don't have anyone to turn to.
well, at least not anyone who would understand the problem better than you would.
dad also travels a lot and we've been having maid problems so most of the time, it's mostly only nate & i.
nate's turning to the cyber world for refuge.
he doesn't seem as happy as he was when you were around
but at least he's got a group of pretty good friends.

anyways, i really miss you tucking me into bed..
not just the tucking in but the prayers & talks before sleeping..
also, how you would turn off my bedroom light for me cause i was scared of the dark..
now, i do all that myself.

i fear i'm forgetting you, mom..
sometimes i call dad's office to hear your voice on voicemail.
its the only decent sounding recording that's left of your voice..

whenever i hear don moen's 'god will make a way',
i think of you.
not cause it played so many times in the hospice room.
but cause its reminds me of your faith,
even in your last days.

i'm having my prelims now and my Os in about 2 months..
my first HUGE exam and you're not here.
procrastination is becoming my hobby since now there's no one to nag at me.
haha, i remember how i wished you wouldn't nag and now,
i'd give EVERYTHING for just one more day of your nagging.

i've started to bake,
nothing like yours but i'm getting there.
can't find your famous apple pie recipe though..

everyone misses you here.
dad & nate, godpa & godma, auntie dot...
just to name a few..

wish i will be just like you mom,
just like you..

anyways, i don't know if you'll ever read this.
but know that i will always love you and miss you,
M-O-M.

love always,
me.

i'm not a plastic bag.

2007-08-20T17:06:00.000+08:00

okay, here's the deal.
I WANT THIS BAG!!!!

its limited ed and is not being produced anymore so you can only purchase them on auction sites.
"the authenticity is guaranteed by the supplier"

so, i found a seller on Yahoo! Auctions who's selling the bag for $70 SGD
he/she seems pretty honest and the bags look authentic.
the thing is, if the bags are real, i wouldn't mind paying $70 but if they're fake, it'd be such a ripoff.

right?
HOW HOW HOW!!?

he/she is making the orders tom and needs the payment and my confirmation by 12 noon tomorrow.

check out the link by clicking ------> ME!

should i take the risk?

**EDIT
the actual price is 5 pounds!!
so though 70 SGD may seem cheap for a "branded" bag, it really isn't THAT cheap.
plus, i was reading a guide on how to tell the fakes from the reals and the pictures on the seller's site seems to match the authentic ones..

2007-08-14T12:39:00.000+08:00

there's no shame in being afraid;
we're all afraid.
what you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of.
cause when you put a face on it,
you can beat it.
better yet,
you can use it..

think about it.

2007-08-14T11:10:00.001+08:00

don't you think it's ironic when people don't advertise for the brand on their plastic/paper bags?
for example, carrying a bag which says 'New Face' but not looking youthful or young at all?

i think i should carry a bag around that says 'a. math rocks my knee-high socks'.
ADD MATH is so not my thing ):

His mercies endureth forever...

2007-08-13T15:39:00.000+08:00

B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 B3 <3

this is home, truly.

2007-08-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

events & exams in august

2007-08-05T20:43:00.000+08:00

3rd-5th
~~FOP~~
8th
~~National Day Celebrations~~
9th
~~National Day~~
~~Gideon Cup~~
10th
~~Holiday in lieu of National Day~~
13th
~~A.Math Paper 1~~
~~Chemistry Paper 2~~
14th
~~A.Math Paper 2~~
15th
~~Geography Paper 2~~
17th
~~English Paper 1~~
~~English Paper 2~~
18th
~~Indescribable: Part 1~~
20th
~~Math Paper 1~~
21st
~~Math Paper 2~~
23rd
~~SS Paper~~
~~Biology Paper 2~~
24th
~~Chinese Paper 1~~
~~Chinese Paper 2~~
~~'O' Level English Oral~~
25th
~~Indescribable: Part 2~~
27th
~~Literature Paper~~
28th
~~Geography Paper 1~~
~~Biology Paper 1~~
29th
~~Chemistry Paper 1~~
~~Class Party!~~
30th
ACS(IB) Talk
BAKE!!!!
31st
Teachers' Day Celebrations
Be Yourself Day

2007-07-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

Oh. And Happy Belated Birthday Josh!

To my dearest little brother:

2007-07-30T18:26:00.000+08:00

2007-07-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

Another overdue collage
Another failed attempt at studying
And so, the end of my 5 day MC
And all I've completed are 3 collages and one chem prelim paper

Anyways, Ju's party was on the 14th of this month
It was pretty okay except for the long talk with someone which was assuring
Loved the cheese dips and the cool looking cake
Happy Belated 21st, Ju.

2007-07-26T22:33:00.000+08:00

This collage is long overdue.
And though it is about time i completed it,
It is not a result of finally getting down to doing it
but a result of my futile attempt at studying ):
oh wells.
At least its done.

2007-07-26T15:48:00.000+08:00

even though i wasn't feeling too good,
i still attended prom cum founders.
got to spend good, fun time with those i neglect the most.
everyone looked a-m-a-z-i-n-g.
no regrets.

MY CLASS.
(not all of us though)
And mr loh, our chem teacher.